Updated: Mar 14
What is ghosting?
Ghosting is a colloquial term used to describe the practice of ceasing all communication and contact with a partner, friend, or similar individual without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or to communicate by the said partner, friend, or individual.
Why is ghosting harmful?
For most people, ghosting can cause them to question themselves which can be devastating to their self-esteem. Furthermore, it can result in feelings of being disrespected, used, disposed, and betrayed especially if the person who ghost you is someone that you had known for some time, whom you trust and respect. Another reason why ghosting can also be extremely painful and traumatising is because it deprives the person who was ghosted the chance to work through what went wrong in the relationship. Ghosting is especially harmful to those who already lack self-esteem and have presenting issues such as anxiety, depression or mental illness.
How to get over ghosting in 6 steps?
Get it right in your head...
The intense sadness that you are feeling has little to do with losing the person or the relationship. It is more likely to be due to the sudden interruption, the loss of your hopes and dreams and some damage to your self-esteem.
You might be feeling a sense of shame and embarrassment because you thought that the person had liked you as much as you had liked that person, but then suddenly you are cut off without prior warning.
Instead of trying to figure where you went wrong or what went wrong, don't second guess yourself. Instead ask yourself, "Will your attempt to establish contact with this person make you feel better?" If someone is ghosting you, trying to make contact with them is not a good idea since it can make you feel worse if they outright reject you.
If you answer yes to the question above and justify it by saying that you need some closure, then you need to ask yourself if you really need closure or would it better to view the person who ghosted you as rude, immature, commitment-phobic or irresponsible, and give your self-esteem a chance to recover?
Accept the feelings and allow yourself to hurt.
Cry if you feel like it. Things are going to be bleak for a while. You may not be able to face your friends whom you have so excitedly told about this person. But remember, if they are your friends, they would not judge you and would be supportive of you.
Be gentle with yourself and have some sympathy for your emotions.
It's not nice to be ghosted and whatever that you are feeling is a normal response to a bad situation. It would be weird if you did not feel bad about it.
Continue to take good care of yourself.
Make sure that you are sleeping, eating, exercising and socialising. Good physical health matters when you are feeling emotionally and psychologically down.
Have some compassion for the person who ghosted you.
Sometimes they may be doing it because they think it is for your own good.
Get out there as soon as possible and you will forget that person completely.
It's easy to get scarred by a horrible experience but after allowing yourself time to grief and to move through your emotions, get back out there and date other people if that is what you feel like doing. The best revenge is to live your life well and be happy.
If after doing the above for a month and you are still struggling to get over being ghosted, seek professional help. Call/text us for an appointment.